Limericks and only limericks allowed

[Bavard]

Dave likes things to be clear:
Is he or is he not queer?
The wrist thing was troubling,
Dave's confusion was doubling!
But now he's off with the guys for a beer!

 

[Bavard]

Who couldn't use a perfume messiah?
To know what perfume to buy ya?
Smell and compare?
No, I couldn't dare!
Plus, a good rec can sure light my fiya!

 

[Sheik Yerbouti]

From the 70s was a brand named Creed
English? French? Not sure, Green Irish Tweed?
Sold out to BlackRock
The majority of their stock
How about renaming the brand Ambrox Greed?

 

[Bavard]

I'm feeling an internal glow.
A burning, and not soft and low.
This perfume, I've read,
Can bring back the dead.
On hubby, I'm gonna give it a go.

 

[Sheik Yerbouti]

Its not a new game that they play
Happens in half the world everyday
They inflate quite the bubble
Burst it with no trouble
War & Debt chess is their favourite game

 

[Sheik Yerbouti]

From young taught maths, English and art
Hits of dopamine when you get those gold stars
You think you’re achieving
While their web they are weaving
But about money you are kept in the dark

 

[Sheik Yerbouti]

Your fragrance is naturally love
With some wit maybe some help from above
Try turning off your phone
Don’t just stay home alone
Take a walk in a wooded green park

 

[kbe]

So the Apostle of scents using urine
Has disdain for the fragrance that you're in?
Text him: "Hey! Take a hike!
My nose you can't psyche!
And also you're no bloody Turin!"

 

[Bavard]

From the 70s was a brand named Creed
English? French? Not sure, Green Irish Tweed?
Sold out to BlackRock
The majority of their stock
How about renaming the brand Ambrox Greed?

"We need more Ambrox!" said the new CEO.
"Pineapple was 10 years ago!"
"Look at Mont Blanc and Dior,
if you want to know more."
"It's all about Ambox, you know?"

 

[Bavard]

So the Apostle of scents using urine
Has disdain for the fragrance that your in?
Text him: "Hey! Take a hike!
My nose you can't psyche!
And also you're no bloody Turin!"

Urine? Ah, you mean the indolics!
And, yes, that other stuff, frankly, was bollocks.
I like my white flowers neat,
That stuff was too icky sweet.
And, no, I am not an indole-a-holic!

 

[Sheik Yerbouti]

"We need more Ambrox!" said the new CEO.
"Pineapple was 10 years ago!"
"Look at Mont Blanc and Dior,
if you want to know more."
"It's all about Ambox, you know?"

Creed in their time made some great scents
Albeit mainly for gents
Whether perfumed by Bourdon
Olivier??? or Herault
With my stash of vintage Portugal I'm content
:bath:

 

[kbe]

Urine? Ah, you mean the indolics!
And, yes, that other stuff, frankly, was bollocks.
I like my white flowers neat,
That stuff was too icky sweet.
And, no, I am not an indole-a-holic!

Denying that you're Indole-a-holic
Decries a fact apostolic
Religion aside
One shouldn't deride
Secretions deliciously diabolic

 

[Bavard]

Denying that your Indole-a-holic
Decries a fact apostolic
Religion aside
One shouldn't deride
A secretion deliciously diabolic

Stay quiet with an onslaught of sucrose?
Even if the person gets too close?
My philosophy's simple:
My body's a temple,
And I have to look after my glucose.

 

[kbe]

Stay quiet with an onslaught of sucrose?
Even if the person gets too close?
My philosophy's simple:
My body's a temple,
And I have to look after my glucose.

Checking sugar's a worthwhile task
As is currently wearing a mask
But let's not forget
Not a one of us yet
Spritzes glucose on skin from a flask!

 

[Bavard]

Despite varied and numerous entreaties,
To have someone still overdosing on sweeties,
It seems my objection,
Was met with rejection,
And the person doesn't mind diabetes.

 

[kbe]

Despite varied and numerous entreaties,
To have someone still overdosing on sweeties,
It seems my objection,
Was met with rejection,
And the person doesn't mind diabetes.

C6 H12 O6
Found in the cereal Kix
Also Kechup and Colas
May rot yer pre-molars
And require an insulin fix

 

[Sheik Yerbouti]

(One for the Brits)

The Doctor prescribed him Lucozade tablay
��Bo’selecta�� for MJ was his sweetay
Its a classic UK thing
Lots of ‘chamones’ and ‘hEhes’
And ol’ Jacko loved him some rhinoplastay

 

[Le vagabond]

 

[kbe]

Morning came on with a Bang
Marc Jacobs, that is, did hang
'Round my body like white
On rice, through a night
Of damnable sturm und drang

 

[Le vagabond]

I’ve never tried that one called Bang
Or anything by Vera Wang
I’m not in the gang
Cannot do your thang
Don’t shoot me down, bang bang

 

[kbe]

The Game swept Dave off his slump
He smiled, no longer the chump
His partner played dummy
This wasn't gin rummy
Dave shouted: "20!...20 no trump!"

 

[Le vagabond]

There once was a young man from Bath
Who stole Marcel Rochas' moustache
Stuck it on his face
And ran off at pace
Whilst poor Marcel just sat there, aghast!

 

[Bavard]

At least it wasn't Madame
And Marcel still has his Femme
C'est un peu de Mystere
His Moustache is where?
Hopefully he still has a dram

 

[CookBot]

There once was a young man from Bath

At least it wasn't Madame

Hurrah, they're back!

 

[Le vagabond]

I filled up my pool with cologne
Then called up Sylvester Stallone
We bathed in the scent
And smelled heaven-sent
Whilst respecting a two meter zone

 

[Le vagabond]

 

[kbe]

“Now this” cried the woman in suede
“Is how perfume should be made!”
All dressed up in yellow
With a voice hardly mellow
Said “It tastes of good pink lemonade!”

 

[Bavard]

“Now this” cried the woman in suede
“Is how perfume should be made!”
All dressed up in yellow
With a voice hardly mellow
Said “It tastes like good pink lemonade!”

Sounds like a good one for summer,
Maybe even a real up-and-comer.
A lemonade, pink
Should sell well, I think
I appreciate the insider rec' from her!

 

[epapsiou]

Hurrah, they're back!

The talent in this great thread
Makes American idol look so sad
So I went to meet Simon
To get him to sign us
"Alas", he said " I can't, I smell too bad"

 

[Bavard]

I filled up my pool with cologne
Then called up Sylvester Stallone
We bathed in the scent
And smelled heaven-sent
Whilst respecting a two meter zone

You could bust out a big, lovely beast!
That'll cover two meters at least!
Assuming all being equal,
With Sly, there's a sequel.
Can't wait 'til the next one's released!

 

[Bavard]

The talent in this great thread
Makes American idol look so sad
So I went to meet Simon
To get him to sign us
"Alas", he said " I can't, I smell too bad"

Last I checked, Simon was due
For a full makeover (or two!)
Do up his hair
And an old-school fougere
I'm sure he'll feel good as new

 

[Le vagabond]

 

[Sheik Yerbouti]

I'm not sure there's a perfume named 'Rocky'
If there was, I'm damn sure it'd be cocky
A scent for a jock
With pecs made of rock
And a cock (due to drugs) somewhat floppy

Training in snow just wasn’t enough
Juiced Drago; he hammered Rock rough
Balboa resorted to ‘the blue’
With a rock hard kazoo
Won the fight n Adrian’s up the duff!

 

[Le vagabond]

 

[Le vagabond]

 

[Bavard]

During the great Corona virus
I got locked down at home with Iris
Smelling great at the start
She started to fart
And kept for herself my old wireless

Another breakup story, adieu Iris
Keep these coming, Vag, they'll never tire us
Could it be time to admit
You find it hard to commit?
Fairly cruel, after making them desirous

 

[Le vagabond]

 

[Bavard]

There was an old beggar of Lyon
Who always went on and on and on...
'Oh, that smell of mace
But not in your face'
Referring to Cacharel pour L'Homme

I consider his story a distraction
And I sincerely hope it's not getting traction
What he calls an assault
Was never my fault
I'm not in the oversprayers' faction!

 

[kbe]

Life can be tough during COVID
Where's that Djedi you're sure you hid?
You tore up the house,
Suspected your spouse,
Then remember, "Damn! I sold it for bid!"

 

[Le vagabond]

There once was a chap from Basenotes
Who got giddy from sniffing wild goats:
"Pungent and stark
Refreshing, yet dark!"
From labdanum entwined in their coats