Redneck Perfumisto

Valentino Uomo Born in Roma Yellow Dream by Valentino

Have some pineapple
Vanilla crème brûlée drenched
In ethyl ether

And ethyl maltol.
Sweet chypre lager to the
Dark malty Polge brew.

Pineapple Sauvage
of Hello Kitty For Men
In a Uomo way.

The quenching mirage
Of an ice-cold beer on a
Brilliant sunny day.

The cool clear tinkle
Of Valentino studware
Calling out your thirst.

Spray away, cowboy
The ambroxan hangover
Is only a myth.
Nov 13, 2021


I am King by Sean John

Though I Am Not King
Nor do I wish to be one
And though this is not

The King of Basenotes
There are times that I think it's
The King of Topnotes

In his clean white suit
Lording over brief escape
In Casablanca

Everybody
Looking for Mr. Good Czar
Perhaps with some "there"

So as Chandler Said
Spray it on in Abundance
Like a good cologne

Let ambient fruit
Somewhat reminiscent of
Deseo For Men

Play that piano
In surrender's jazz bar dive
Where you just smell nice.
Nov 5, 2021


Good Girl Suprême by Carolina Herrera

Stumble in, dear girl
You had a good time tonight
And if you don't mind

One more compliment
You smell like the high-priced end
Of the fashion mall

Which ain't exactly
A bad thing in these here parts
So please kick off those

Ridiculous shoes
Before you break something else
Like maybe my heart

'Cause it might happen
There in your Petite Robe Noire
'Thout all that candy

For Bad Boys prefer
Your mothballed fruitchouliverse
To pre-Coco puffs

And you need coffee
So let this Bad Boy get you
Some fresh air on his

Bad motor scooter
Leavin' your mystery scent
All over this town.
Oct 25, 2021


Bad Boy by Carolina Herrera

Bad in a kind of
Chocolate shoe polish way
Which is to say, good

And fairly subtle
Not as "bad" as Le Parfum
Chococat approves

As the pleasantries
Of the varied components
Provide interest

Without scaring off
Hello Kitty and her friends
From Mainstream City

Where bad boys smell good
But not quite untrainable
Like those Basenotes Boys.
Oct 24, 2021


Burberry London for Men by Burberry

Orient spices
As Occident holidays
Recapitulate

Spice road time travel
Seen through a kaleidoscope
As flatland wonder.
Oct 8, 2021


Hugo Iced by Hugo Boss

Less mint is more mint
When reinventing Hugo
As iced citrus tea.

So what do you have
In your canteen there, sailor?
Mint julep, perchance?
Oct 7, 2021


Séville à l'Aube by L'Artisan Parfumeur

Smells like a new book
Of flowers, incense, people
And an old story.

Review is too short
Please go back and add some more
Which Red gladly did!
Oct 3, 2021


Sauvage Elixir by Christian Dior

Nuclear Sauvage
Without the radiation
Reveals core beauty.
Sep 16, 2021


Armani Code Colonia by Giorgio Armani

Shades of Pi Neo
In a bleu flanker that fell
Not far from both trees.
Sep 15, 2021


Viking Cologne by Creed

Viking DNA
This lovable red-haired boy
Can still string a bow
Sep 3, 2021


A*Men Pure Energy / A*Men Pure Shot by Thierry Mugler

A*men Sport Eau Fraîche
Surprisingly Mugler yet
Surprisingly not

Woody s'n'eauflakes and
Icy spicicles, shades of
Fifty Cent Power

How could we forget?
Magic moments slyly robbed
By their own magic

By their own moment
By their mayfly commitment
To beauty's art deals

But then comes the craft
Times finally all worked out
Trial and error

Add some new chips off
Terre One's rectangular block
'Til Terre Two says bon

Three years to fix things
Nine years next to see the Truth
Ah, but wait, there's more

Spicy fresh goodness
That went under the radar
The day badness rained

Down upon realcomm
With ripples into fragcomm
And tides in fincomm

With hot irons more
Burning Red to realize
There, but for One's grace

He himself had walked
A treacherous mountain path
On blades better born

How could he forget?
Thirty-four and msybe more
A symple typo

Changes ev'rything
We prepare for the worst and

Then we go to sleep

And who is to say
A newline ain't one more punk
Who just didn't print

Or maybe he did
As the wisdom of waiting
For true clarity

A lucky young choice
A nameless young beauty spared
A headline vanished

No dirty laundry
No refused apologies
But memory served

Its jury duty
In higher courts than lotus
Where Truth serves as judge

Choco's right hand raised
Terre, but for the grace of God
Went one graying boy

All those years ago
A witness for the defense
Who saw the real thief

Change in a moment
From fear-colored dream pixels
To his heart's desire

There is no safety
That protects this universe
From its own freedom

This by some design
We can only tell the Truth
And sometimes, too late.
Sep 2, 2021


H24 by Hermès

The rocks grew windows
And looked out day and night o'er
The green amber fields
Aug 23, 2021


Tiffany & Love for Him by Tiffany

Perfumisto whiffed
A puff of pseudo-pepper
Opus minor of

1970
Looking back to old cologne
And fasting forward

To ambermatic
Radical abundance and
Woody subversives

Wielded thin and light
But penetrating deeply
Feeling just a bit

Retrocultural
In new and exotic ways
Upon which showed up

Gingeranium
Plus cardamondarin plus
Piney junipressed

Together in this
Tiffanephrine bro ken thus
At this very point

The day the dog died
Yes the dog of that same name
Wearing it that day

Neither intended
Nor arranged at this level
Just reporting facts

And this one as well
I may just buy a bottle
As it would appear

The sweetness of life
Exceeds the losses of death
Thanks to memories

And knowing now that
Finding the beauty in things
Is the truest gift.
Aug 10, 2021


Fire Island by Bond No. 9

A lady's perfume
With a brash pair of beach boobs
That just makes one smile.
Aug 7, 2021


Tiffany & Love for Her by Tiffany

Tiffany's Gingham
Remembers the countryside
But loves city lights.
Aug 7, 2021


Twilly Eau Ginger by Hermès

White peony wine
Ginger ale, and good champagne
Just want to have fun

Twilly's brighter third
Shining with the light of the
Ethereal Jour

With just a touch of
Twilly's tomboy tuberose
To tempt mortal men

Transparent design
To leave no Motif d'Hermès
Unaccounted for

Somewhere Jean-Claude smiles
Knowing what he always knew
Was left in good hands.
Jul 30, 2021


Angel Muse by Thierry Mugler

Pastry 'tchouli girl fougère
I see what ze boy did zere

Angelelic DNA
Rosarosy cozy way

Floral choral moral there
Lesser morer savoir faire

Add tchoutella, just a toutch
Lest the tasty taste too much

Patchy punchy pitchy thang
Harmonormonarchy brang

Creamy Beamy boozy bits
Woozy floozy musey wits

Smarty Sparty arty gal
Winky drinky pinky pal

Lovely lady crème de crème
Boisies cain't leave dis to dem

Whirly girly crème brûlée
Burnie bitsy flan flambé

Quentchy quenchy Angexcess
Mugley Musey maxi dress

Angey dancey memory
Musey 'mancey mon cheri

Ooh la la dis be da schitz
Musey goil you be da Ritz!
Jul 25, 2021


Forest by Bath and Body Works

In frag comm end times
All things become Aventus
To some small degree

View not with sadness
This great singularity
But rather rejoice

That one is now all
And all are now one, by our
Perception alone

Likeness to likeness
To likeness to likeness to
Likeness to likeness

Thus letting us see
Aventus in all things good
And the goodness in

All things Aventus
Let not your hearts be troubled
By those rumors of

Other fragrances
To which things might be likened
There is little need

For such division
Although it might be said that
This is a nice one

For its own reasons
Not the least of which is some
Minor resemblance

To Aventus clones
But let us not burden these
Planetary ones

With their own new moon
But instead describe this new
Little green planet

In its own fair terms
Its pleasant powdery base
Just woody enough

But not too much so
Is free of all scratchiness
Thus making it quite

Pleasant to the nose
That tires of splintery fare
Persistent as well

Without losing form
A worthy skin scent remains
For a day or two

A wee bit of some
Coniferous greenery
Piques through the powder

Without detracting
From the soft comforts thereof
Thus earning the name

Pleasing to the wife
When so many other scents
Leave her hardly moved

I find this fragrance
As enjoyable as some
Men's fragrance by Creed

Which I would mention
If the name did not escape
Me at this moment.
Jul 21, 2021


Mr. Burberry Indigo by Burberry

My enjoyment of
Bleu de Mr. Burberry
Cannot be denied

Un acuático
Yet Green's herbal character
Is largely retained

Somebody rained on
A vegetated beach near
That parched green pillar

And we're all happy
That dear Aussiewood is now
Driftwood memories

Easy on the cream
A bit less powdered flowers
And just a touch of

Salty ocean spray
Condensing on iced latte
At Café Francis

Talking to myself
Smelling good my only job
Not sure about this.
Jul 8, 2021


Key West Coconut Water & Melon by Bath and Body Works

You can never leave
The burnt sugar beach party
At Coconut Bay

Tommy Bahama
Ethyl Maltol, and their friend
High-Fructose Corn-Pop

Request your presence
In a lost year of bonfires
And boozy perfumes

Betwixt the Aisles of
Candy-floss and Coco-gloss
In the sub-tropics

Where the quiet of
Virgin Island waters and
The loud exhaust of

Thierry's Angels meet
In endless cheap but good times
For the boys and girls.
Jun 30, 2021


Hero by Bath and Body Works

Clark Kent vetiver
In creamy cardy ced'ry
Bleu suit norminess

Paper Superman
Shows off his dry fresh biceps
To Old Science Guy

"Woodrambronium!"
But to Lois Lane he's quite
Unremarkable.

Young Jimi Olsen
Thinks there's something up with Clark
But Lois just laughs

Vetiver's cover
Never blown, he saves the day
Some chick named Coco.
Jun 29, 2021


Gingham by Bath and Body Works

In The Great Picnic
Even the sad violets
Somehow cry for joy

As windy flowers
And flowery winds blow still
In endless new loops.

The boys want to steal
The magic picnic perfume
And then give it back

To steal once again
From smiling picnic girls who
Pretend not to see

As they set out fruits
Never too ripe nor rotten
Bitterfresh yet sweet

On a sunny day
On that blue plaid picnic cloth
That we know and love.

And with all that said
Where can a guy get a beer
In this part of town?
Jun 28, 2021


Oasis by Bath and Body Works

Co. Co. Laven. Doir.
Perfect with your touch of Noir
Cannot find the Royal Palm
Lost 'tween here and Vietnam

Oh. Wait. Let me guess.
Touch of green in tropic mess
Find it, pimp it, palm it off
Only nerds like Red will scoff

Love. Your. Prada. Vibe.
Sprucin' up this fragrant dive
Oakmoss can at pence a pop
Ever knee prun' astr'y bop

What's. Up. Laven. DAR?
Climb aboard this beach bum car
Cruise the strip in spray-can style
Axe me if it's been a while

Coo. Coo. Coco puffs.
Tell me when you's had enoughs
Amber Notice, hula shirt
Youses in you's 50's skirt

Thank. You. BB Dub!
Noir's old best's all that's new rub
Rubb'ry amb'ry Noir accord
'Ssures me that I'm never bored

O. A. S-I-S.
Glad I bought you on a guess
May not be their cup of tea
You be you and I'll be me.
Jun 24, 2021


Champion by Bath and Body Works

Brief, dry, fresh oakmoss
Offers a mild temptation
And fond memories.

Jazz in a spray can
It most certainly is not
Nor Rive Gauche Pour Homme

Très Isobutane
Et Hydrofluorocarbure
152A

Nor is dear oakmoss
Even present at levels
That require listing

But in the world of
Manly gym bag powder bombs
This feels civilized.

Coumarin adds shine
To the depleted oakmoss
And for a moment

Particularly
On paper or on fabric
Oakmoss does its thing.
Jun 23, 2021

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