Valentino Uomo Born In Roma Coral Fantasy
Valentino (2022)

Valentino Uomo Born in Roma Coral Fantasy (2022) looks, sounds, and smells like the total blob of AI-determined commercial mass-appeal that it is. Clandestine perfumer for Creed Aventus (2010) Jean-Christophe Herault worked on this alongside Nicholas Beaulieu, but I'm sure they were just shaping that blob after it gestated out from the marketing department. I won't waste anyone's time here with a long and analytical review of something that most of you won't even want to try, so here's the scoop: Valentino Uomo (2014) was subverted by the Valentino Uomo Born in Roma (2018) range to be more-commercial, and has since spawned its own flankers-of-flankers while the original Olivier Polge-penned scent languishes; this is another such release that does nothing even remotely worth seeking out unless you are an influencer that makes your money hyping releases like this, and have to spend money to get your bottle because big designers usually don't put YouTubers on PR lists like niche brands. Here's your "latest banger" for all of maybe 4 months, then forgotten and discontinued by L'Oréal like every YSL fragrance these days. Christ.

The original Born in Roma was nothing special but nothing terrible either, being the combined efforts of blending Abercrombie & Fitch Fierce Cologne (2002) and Paco Rabanne Invictus (2013), coupling a decade's worth of mass-appeal success into one cannot-fail scent. This newest flanker to that flanker tries to shoehorn itself into a weird Invictus-adjacent market that fuses the Invictus top notes with oriental and gourmand sub-strata, competing with such ignominious things as Carolina Herrera Bad Boy (2019) and Emporio Armani Stronger with You (2017). To that effect, this is a gentrified mish-mash of bubblegum-sweet fruitiness of apple and mandarin that quickly devolves into basic Parfums De Marly mentality heart notes of sweet lavender, geranium, and sage over spices like cardamom. The base is your usual ooey-gooey "tonkabacco" sweetened woody-amber and tonka stuff that is then pickled in your patchouli isolate-du-jour into a gourmand snooze fest. Performance is good, but of course it is, because compliments bruh. Best use is in the club getting tipsy, macking on girls who've seen and smelled the likes of you a dozen times in the same night, and flexing your swag on the down-low. Pardon me while I vomit.

This isn't constructed horribly, but unlike Paco Rabanne Phantom (2021), isn't as novel of an AI experiment because the Human hands that shaped whatever this is have removed all the jarring juxtapositions of notes that made the "AI composing with the safety off" smell of Phantom so fun, and instead we get safe eternal youth sauce for the 147th goddamn time because the train kept a rollin' all night long. Like okay, if you're 17 and have enough money to afford a designer fragrance at retail, with absolutely no concept of what else is out there and frankly don't care, I could see your respectably wearing Valentino Uomo Born in Roma Coral Dream, but virtually nobody else. Not only does this scent have absolutely nothing to do with its coral theme, but just about nothing to do with anything other than being an exercise in insanity, doing the same thing over again and expecting different results. I sure hope Jean-Christophe and Nicholas got paid well for this, and had a good drink after making it, because I'd need one if I were them. This is sheer consumer-capitalist dystopian Hell in a bottle, and the absolute embodiment of olfactive purgatory for anyone with a vested interest in men's perfume. Thumbs Down