Being Ridiculed for Wearing Fragrances as a Man

[emtee]

I concede that the part you quote is hyperbole. I should have qualified the point - and may have done on re-reading, but I won't go back and edit it now it's been picked up on - as it is not the whole reason or purpose for wearing fragrance, but it is the primary or main reason. Consider basenotes and fragrance enthusiasts as a subsculture - as mentioned in my post, having its own social hierarchy, its own norms that differ from the wider culture, and as mentioned some people make 'sniffing' a priority over 'wearing'. This doesn't change the fact that the main reason men wear fragrance is to smell good to other people, with the next and obvious point being that they want to smell appealing to women (ofc allowing for different attitudes among LGBT men). There is another, perhaps more important use for perfume, and that is its use in sacred ceremony. But this is not about wearing fragrance - anointing is something different to wearing - and I don't think it takes away from the point, either. I have to be honest, I have never quite bought the idea that someone only wears fragrance for themselves. It seems to be the same self-deception some women use to explain/justify wearing make-up. I think I've touched on the areas where the more personal approach to perfume applies, but I'd be amazed if you truly dgaf what other people think about what you wear in public?

I only wear fragrances so I can post in the SOTD thread on basenotes

 

[tspencer]

My thoughts,

If someone would think fragrance has anything to do with your sexual preferences then maybe they just have a poor idea of what fragrance is about. That's not your problem, it's theirs. And yeah, you predicted the typical response would be "I don't care" / "I do what I want". And that's true. I eat a plant based vegan diet. I get a hell of a lot more uncomfortable treatment about that than I do fragrance. I don't bring that up hardly ever because it's usually off topic and not something I dwell on socially. You have to live life on your terms, not someone else's, or even everyone else's. If what other people thought of my interests and choices in life bothered me I wouldn't be able to live life. There is a whole lot of gain with not caring about what other people think is negative (within rational reason).

There are some things you 'should' care about others thinking negatively about such as if you don't keep a somewhat reasonably clean and organized home. I would certainly think that's more important to worry about socially than smelling good or making a health/ethics-conscious choice diet or any other personal life preference.

Plus, think of it like this. If you are naturally very different from every one else, you are what makes life special. Can you imagine a world of everyone being the same? Where would be the magic or the wonder? I would hope that radically different doesn't mean someone is unhealthy or unwell because that isn't positive, but if someone makes some life choices or has some preferences that doesn't hurt anybody else or themselves, then it's part of the spice of life. Flowers shouldn't all be the same color and your personality shouldn't be either.

 

[tspencer]

I only wear fragrances so I can post in the SOTD thread on basenotes

This. Well, and I genuinely wear fragrance for myself and I like to share my personal experiences with other fragheads because you all understand.

 

[WarmJewel]

...but I'd be amazed if you truly dgaf what other people think about what you wear in public?

Count me in with the 'DGAF' brigade because I truly don't. I can't ever remember a time when anyone has ever commented on a fragrance I'm wearing. That is probably because I generally wear 'close to the skin' fragrances because I prefer them. I do not like 'loud screechy, here I am' fragrances.

It's always perplexed me somewhat why so few people seem to like and wear Christian Dior's Eau Sauvage. Maybe they simply don't like how it smells? That would be a valid reason. But I think it's something else because there's very little about Eau Sauvage to dislike, it's a masterpiece of masculine perfumery by one of the finest perfumers the world's ever seen.

But it struck me the other day what the likely reason was — it's not very strong. What's the point of wearing a masterpiece if noone else can smell it? That's probably one of the reasons why I love it and wear it so much.

 

[slpfrsly]

I only wear fragrances so I can post in the SOTD thread on basenotes

😄

I'm sure you are not the only one...!

 

[RPLens]

All the more reason to find the sweet spot.

I missed this thread. Will read it soon and probably comment on it.

 

[RPLens]

I have to be honest, I have never quite bought the idea that someone only wears fragrance for themselves.

I agree with this.

But when I'm alone at home, not expecting anyone to come by, I also wear a fragrance.
I even tend to overspray in this situation.
How do you explain that?
I'm literally the only one who can smell it.

 

[slpfrsly]

I agree with this.

But when I'm alone at home, not expecting anyone to come by, I also wear a fragrance.
I even tend to overspray in this situation.
How do you explain that?
I'm literally the only one who can smell it.

I'd say there's a difference between trying (or personal 'sniffing') and wearing. I.e. the way you might break in a pair of shoes, or try a jacket on, when at home is different to when you are wearing it out in public. Using fragrance at home can be seen as preparation and trying a fragrance out, with the intention to wear it out in public i.e. around other people, where it can never just be an individual concern. On overspraying, I have no idea haha - perhaps it says you're not afraid of running out of fragrance any time soon!

 

[SPACEDOUT]

I'd say there's a difference between trying (or personal 'sniffing') and wearing. I.e. the way you might break in a pair of shoes, or try a jacket on, when at home is different to when you are wearing it out in public. Using fragrance at home can be seen as preparation and trying a fragrance out, with the intention to wear it out in public i.e. around other people, where it can never just be an individual concern. On overspraying, I have no idea haha - perhaps it says you're not afraid of running out of fragrance any time soon!

At home, i wear fragrance for the same reason i burn candles, cause i enjoy the smell in the air.

 

[Akahina]

Let's not forget that we are surgically removing the genitals of children

Wow. Just wow...

 

[slpfrsly]

At home, i wear fragrance for the same reason i burn candles...

...cause i enjoy the smell in the air.

I wondered where that was going...

 

[SPACEDOUT]

Wow. Just wow...

Dont shoot the messenger

 

[Akahina]

Dont shoot the messenger

The message was radically political and has nothing to do with a forum about fragrances, unless the "we" performing the act is making a tincture.

 

[lfc1892]

I’ve never had any negative comments

 

[RPLens]

The message was radically political and has nothing to do with a forum about fragrances, unless the "we" performing the act is making a tincture.

There was certainly a link with fragrances, but ok...
Censure has never worked by the way.

 

[mrcologneguy]

I worked for a firm that merged with another. My new boss in the merger was a real piece of work. Over our “meet the new management” dinner someone mentioned my fragrance hobby. My new boss said loudly, “Where’s the woman?” as if he was insulting me.

I left the firm a few months later, taking a much better, higher-paying job. They lost business over my departure, and my a-hole ex-boss groveled to get me to come back. Not a chance. No “no thanks,” etc. His obnoxious behavior did not warrant the courtesy of a reply.

In retrospect I realized I could have sued over that remark, but it would have resulted in a messy legal battle. Best to just carry on with dignity. No one since then has ever attempted to insult me for having such an interesting hobby. I’ve enjoyed being away from that hellish job ever since.

 

[swellcat]

Not to get too deep, but you may want to reconsider who you associate with.

If they are co-workers, the OP may not have a choice.

 

[WarmJewel]

I'd say there's a difference between trying (or personal 'sniffing') and wearing. I.e. the way you might break in a pair of shoes, or try a jacket on, when at home is different to when you are wearing it out in public. Using fragrance at home can be seen as preparation and trying a fragrance out, with the intention to wear it out in public i.e. around other people, where it can never just be an individual concern.

I don't agree.

I go through the same grooming routine every morning, shower, shave, aftershave, hair gel whatever regardless of whether I'm going out/leaving the house or staying in. I'm retired, I do not go to work and I don't always go out either. I do go out, of course I do, shopping, socialising or just for a walk, I'm not a hermit, but my routine of putting on a fragrance in the morning doesn't change or alter depending on what I'm doing.

Neither does my choice of fragrance change dependant on whether I'm going out or not. If anything I would choose a more muted, quieter, closer to the skin fragrance if going out than if I as staying in. Eg. I really like Yves Saint Laurent Opium Pour Homme Eau de Parfum which is pretty strong and I wouldn't want to inflict that on anyone outside!

Whilst I accept your viewpoint may well apply in many instances you're forgetting the differing personalities involved here - we're not all the same. Some of us want to be anonymously well groomed rather than loud screechy 'here I am' types.

 

[Pippin06]

I don't agree.

I go through the same grooming routine every morning, shower, shave, aftershave, hair gel whatever regardless of whether I'm going out/leaving the house or staying in. I'm retired, I do not go to work and I don't always go out either. I do go out, of course I do, shopping, socialising or just for a walk, I'm not a hermit, but my routine of putting on a fragrance in the morning doesn't change or alter depending on what I'm doing.

Neither does my choice of fragrance change dependant on whether I'm going out or not. If anything I would choose a more muted, quieter, closer to the skin fragrance if going out than if I as staying in. Eg. I really like Yves Saint Laurent Opium Pour Homme Eau de Parfum which is pretty strong and I wouldn't want to inflict that on anyone outside!

Whilst I accept your viewpoint may well apply in many instances you're forgetting the differing personalities involved here - we're not all the same. Some of us want to be anonymously well groomed rather than loud screechy 'here I am' types.

I am with you on this--and I am a fellow retiree.

 

[slpfrsly]

I don't agree.

I go through the same grooming routine every morning, shower, shave, aftershave, hair gel whatever regardless of whether I'm going out/leaving the house or staying in. I'm retired, I do not go to work and I don't always go out either. I do go out, of course I do, shopping, socialising or just for a walk, I'm not a hermit, but my routine of putting on a fragrance in the morning doesn't change or alter depending on what I'm doing.

Neither does my choice of fragrance change dependant on whether I'm going out or not. If anything I would choose a more muted, quieter, closer to the skin fragrance if going out than if I as staying in. Eg. I really like Yves Saint Laurent Opium Pour Homme Eau de Parfum which is pretty strong and I wouldn't want to inflict that on anyone outside!

Whilst I accept your viewpoint may well apply in many instances you're forgetting the differing personalities involved here - we're not all the same. Some of us want to be anonymously well groomed rather than loud screechy 'here I am' types.

It's worth pointing out that we are not in disagreement. I am not making the case that there is no personal enjoyment in fragrance, or that the only way to appeal to people is to wear something loud and sexy.

Many of our decisions are sub-rational. For example, consider the fact that we know that synthetic perfumes contain neurotoxins and endocrine disruptors. The rational response would be to stop wearing fragrances. Yet many people, and all of us on here, do not. Instead, we keep wearing them, and in some instances wear (and buy) more and more fragrances.

I would suggest that what you are describing is a habit. It is highly likely that you (and anyone else, myself included) would have been initially inspired by outward presentation and the perception of others when developing this habit - at least to some extent. Is that fair?

As I said, to claim that it's all or just a personal pleasure is to employ the same conceit women use for wearing make-up, as if their real essence is to be perfumed and painted in and of itself, regardless of the response or perception it generates in other people. The enjoyment is either purely personal, either in the process of applying make-up or in the end product (or both). I can distinctly remember reading something on Lady Gaga back when she was first breaking through, saying she always wore heels at home. As I was fairly young at the time, and perhaps somewhat naive, I'm sure I took it at face value (enough to remember it at least) - but of course it is not/was not true. It's funny to consider this now when her look has changed considerably (less glam, more bohemian, or at least it was for a while).

There is something to this idea (announcement) of one's own innate essence as something faaaabulous etc, but it is mostly a (feminine) social signal: a demonstration of fashion on the one hand, as well as a challenge as to who can keep up with the masochism of always looking (or smelling) a certain way, buying (paying for) and wearing expensive make up, hair products - and, yes, also perfume. But it's more true to say that when women are purely guided by whatever is their actual essence - without external influence, and without social concerns - when they are left alone and do not consider themselves with an audience, some/many will gravitate towards looking like the Venus of Willendorf. Which is to say, that the utopian womanhood of someone like Andrea Dworkin's feminism is (looks, behaves, values) quite different to the conceit Gaga (et al) trade on as celebrities. There is something atavistic about the (supposedly uplifting) ubiquitous flat style cartoons that depict women as lumpen, hairy, anonymous bodies etc and higlights the prevailing social/cultural trend - one that is taking us back to something more primal, hence closer to the Willendorf, than existed in the C20th.


Anyway, men are not women, of course. But I think the conceit is still the same when used by men, even if the details are slightly different. If anything, it's more a sign of the spread of "have it your way" McIdentity consumerism spreading out from the beauty and fashion world in to more masculine/less specific areas as well. Everything becomes a personal consumer preference, even sex, in the dating app age.

If men care about grooming to the point of perfuming themselves (as opposed to being clean), it's due in part to habit. Military, work, whatever caused the formation of the habit, it will have at one point considered other people. And, as you admit in your post, you change how you use perfume depending on whether you're in public or not. So really we are in agreement.

I meant to write a thread articulating my idea about this and I will probably have to do that so I can just link it in whenever this topic comes up haha. I'm not saying that we just wear fragrances for other people. But we do wear them for others.